


Maybe

by Evax3



Series: Getting Back Together [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Drama, Breakfast, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Getting Back Together, Halloween 1981, Harry Potter was Raised by Remus Lupin and Sirius Black, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Raising Harry Potter, and how they get along, but they patch things up, every part includes breakfast, sirius drinks too much, they just love each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-27
Updated: 2019-06-21
Packaged: 2020-02-07 09:06:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18617515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evax3/pseuds/Evax3
Summary: I think you know what this is ...Sirius takes Harry and brings him to Remus. This is their way through hell back to heaven.





	1. The beginning

_Halloween 1981_

With a sudden jerk he was wide awake. The storm raging outside rattled against the shutter, a flash of lightning illuminated the room.

Still half asleep he shook his head. "What time is it?" No one answered. It's been a while since he'd shared a bed with someone. And yet. Old habits die hard.

With aching limbs, he got out of bed and looked out of the window. His mind might be twenty-one, but his body felt like the one of a dotard.

His arms braced on the window shell, he watched the chaos outside, an uneasy feeling creeping up his chest. Normally a storm like this would calm him down. It was a little cathartic. Like the dirt of the world being washed away. Washed away with a big bang. But not tonight.

That night it felt ominous. As if something bad had happened and nature tried to underline it.

Finally, he looked away.

"It's just the stress," Remus whispered and made his way to the kitchen.

But just as he was about to make himself a cup of tea, he heard another bang. This time, coming from the door.

He scanned the room, looking for his wand, but then he realised that it was still lying under his pillow.

"Fuck."

Another knocking; this time much more emphatic. Then he heard a voice.

"Remus it’s me. Open the door."

With quick steps he hurried into the hallway and ripped it open.

He was wet to the bone. His gaze confused and anxious, clinging to a package he held tightly in his arms. The package screamed.

"Sirius. Harry?!"

"Please Remus, I didn’t know where else to go. It’s just- Fuck, I made a huge mistake. Please may we come in?" The words just sputtering out of his mouth.

Remus knew the situation was serious. It seemed his feeling had not deceived him. So, still confused, he opened the door further. But when they entered the kitchen and Sirius was about to speak, another knock was heard.

They both turned their heads and without asking Remus new that this might not be a favourable visitor.

"You know who this is?" he hissed at Sirius, who just shook his head. "Those aren't James & Lily looking for their son, right?" Sirius swallowed, but then negated. "And whoever this is, he's coming for Harry?"

Sirius had no way of answering. A sudden breeze sweeping through the flat, caused them to flinch. For a moment they had to close their eyes and when they reopened them, none less than Albus Dumbledore stood in front of them.

"No," Sirius breathed. He pressed Harry even harder against his chest and took a step back. "No, you won’t get him."

"I'm sorry I barged in here unannounced, Remus. But my request is unfortunately very urgent. Sirius, please give me Harry."

The headmaster's voice was calm as always and yet it had a certain undertone that didn't allow any objections.

"Sirius, please?" He stretched out his hand, but Sirius stepped back further.

"Would somebody please tell me what the hell is going on?" Remus, still in his pyjama bottoms, stood baffled in his own fucking kitchen, but nobody paid him any attention.

"Sirius, you must now give me Harry. Time is running short.”

"Give him to you? And for what? So that you can bring him to these uptight Muggles? Only over my dead body."

"I'm not going to discuss this with you. Now give me Harry."

"No!"

"Sirius!"

"What the hell is going on?"

"THEY’RE FUCKING DEAD, THIS IS GOING ON!"

With a smack Remus felt all his remained strength leaving his body and everything turned terribly cold. The world suddenly frozen.

He clung to the kitchen chair in front of him, the only chance to hold himself up. When he eventually raised his head, he saw the tears in Sirius’s eyes. Leaving no room for any doubts.

"They’re really dead," Sirius sobbed and slowly Remus began to understand. He turned to Dumbledore; his own voice unfamiliar and strange in his ears. "Voldemort?"

"He's gone," the old man said with a sigh and took a seat on one of the empty kitchen chairs. "We don't know exactly what happened in Godric's Hollow this night, but one thing is for sure. Someone betrayed Lily & James Potter. The Fidelius charm was lifted when Lord Voldemort was able to track them down and kill them." He rubbed his beard and paused for a second. "I assume James died trying to stop him. Just like Lily, who stood in his way when he reached the nursery. Her love might have saved Harry. And yet they had to pay with their lives." He turned his gaze at Sirius. "As it seems, they had put their trust in the wrong person."

"So did I," Sirius sniffed but his eyes remained on Dumbledore. Still determined as the first second the headmaster had set foot in this room. "But he will pay for this."

"What do you mean?" Remus snapped. " _You_ were their fucking secret keeper!"

"No, I wasn’t."

"What?"

"We switched."

"You and who?"

"Peter."

And finally, Remus' legs gave way. Powerless he sank down on the chair and buried his face in his hands. "This can't be true."

"I'm sorry Remus," Dumbledore said and got up, "but it is. Unfortunately, now is not the time to grieve. Voldemort may be gone, but his followers aren’t. They’ll come looking for Harry. And they’ll hunt those who protect him. So, I must take him to Lily's sister. Only there he’ll be safe."

Sirius sneered. "Safe? With them? How are _they_ supposed to protect him? Besides, they hate people like us. How do you think they’ll treat him?"

"It is not for you to decide, Sirius." Dumbledore's voice now sounded unusually angry, which led Remus to straighten up.

"He is his godfather, Albus. James and Lily wanted Harry to stay with Sirius."

"As I said before, now is not the time to discuss this," Dumbledore urged, standing up, drawing his wand, "Sirius, I will not ask you again."

The air in the room immediately became thicker. Highly charged. Dangerous. With one sentence Remus was on his feet and stood in front of Sirius.

Harry still screamed like mad. His little hand desperately clawed into Sirius' jacket.

And Remus, he could do nothing but stand between them and probably the most powerful wizard of their time. In his pyjama bottoms. He didn't even have his wand.

But suddenly the tension subsided, the old man only shaking his head. "Where dwell the brave at heart," he mumbled.

With a tear in his eye he looked up at them but smiled. "Please excuse the folly of an old man. We often believe to know what is best by experience. But of course, you were their friends."

"Albus?" Remus looked at him with narrowed eyes, Harry suddenly silent but still clutching at Sirius arm.

"James Potter had also faced a powerful wizard this night, armed with nothing more than his bare hands to protect those he loved. I shall not be the one you must protect yourselves from, Remus." He nodded, confirming his own words and then turned to go. "But be careful. They will come. And this will probably be the first place they look at. But I'm sure you already know what to do."

He blinked at them briefly, when another breeze swept through the flat, and then he was gone.

Nobody said a word. For several seconds they stopped breathing, none of them ready to move. It’d really happened, and every further step would force them to accept it.

But finally, Sirius sighed with relief.

The same moment Remus grabbed the teacup from the table and threw it against the wall.

Then Harry started screaming again.


	2. Hell (Part One)

_At night, first of November 1981_

"Maybe we can ask Andromeda, they'll never be clever enough to look at hers. Will they?"

Sirius had been mooching up and down the kitchen for several hours, Harry still in his arm, long ago fallen asleep. Whereas Remus stared absently into the empty glass of whiskey in his hands, silent all the time, which Sirius hadn’t even noticed.

"Hey, what about your parents, do they still have the house on the coast? Maybe we can stay with them for a while."

With that, Remus looked up. "Who do you mean by _we_?"

Irritated by the sudden response, Sirius stopped on the spot. "Did you say something?"

"I said .. ." Remus turned his upper body to have a better look, his jaw tense, his hand still enclosing the glass, "who the fuck do you mean by _we_?"

"Well, us of course. You, me, Harry." He gestured with his finger from one to the other and it cost Remus all his patience not to start yelling again.

"Do you really think I'm going anywhere with _you_ , after all this?" Remus growled instead; one hand already clenched to the fist.

A chair was pushed aside, and Sirius sat at the table with him. He looked like a beaten dog, pale and sad. And completely without understanding. "Are you saying you're not coming with us?"

Remus frowned and it was solely because of the baby in Sirius' arms that he didn't punch him. "You're lucky I didn't kick you out already."

"Remus, I -,"

"You thought I was the fucking spy, didn't you? And James thought so too, that’s why you didn't tell me you and Peter switched. Right?"

The look on Sirius’ face changed immediately. Him not denying it was a harder blow than the realization itself. "We had no choice. I couldn't risk it." His voice was ice-cold, the expression in his eyes stubborn as always, Remus just got angrier.

"How could you? I would have died for James & Lily. For Harry. For Peter. And for you! No matter what happened between us."

"You don't understand, James was my brother."

"He was mine too!" Full of rage Remus jumped up, crashing his chair to the floor and finally Harry woke up again.

The cries instantly ended their discussion, giving Remus the option to leave the room, before he did something, he'd later regret.

He left the flat without saying another word, grapping a sweater form the wardrobe, still in his bloody pyjama pants. He put on his shoes while walking. Not wanting to spend more seconds near Sirius than necessary.

He took a few steps when a sudden bang startled him. He looked up.

Colourful lights were shining in the sky as the next fireworks were lit.

A man tapped Remus on the shoulder and pressed a glass into his hand.

"To peace," the man said with a radiant smile, pouring himself another drink.

"To Harry Potter," a small woman next to him added, "the boy who lived."

They toasted and then hugged with laughter and tears, while Remus still looked at them only confused. But when he finally moved on, he saw similar encounters all around him. People lay in each other's arms. Laughing and crying. Cheering and raising their full glasses to the end of the war. To a little boy who had survived.

A little boy sitting at that moment in his flat crying. A little boy who was now an orphan. And Remus realized, that he had to go back. Not back to Sirius, but back to Harry.

The flat was completely silent when he entered a few minutes later. At first, he thought they’d left, but a quick look into his bedroom proved him wrong.

Pain stung in his chest at the sight. Just a few months ago he would have joined them. Would his arms close around them. Now he could hardly bear the picture.

He closed the door quietly and lay down on the couch in the living room. And with an arching chest he slipped into a restless sleep.

…

The sound of clattering crockery, coming from the kitchen, caused Remus to wake up. And then there was clanking followed by a meaningful curse.

"Fucking hell! Oh no, please Harry, don't cry again."

Remus rolled his eyes and got up, his spine cracking dangerously. The night on the hard cushion hadn't done him much good.

As he entered the room, the smell of burnt eggs, caused him to gag.

Harry was sitting in an apparently modified chair, because Remus hadn't had a high seat yet, staring at him with a red face and watery eyes.

"Hey buddy, good morning," Remus lifted him up and stroked his head. It seemed Harry's mood became a little better, so Remus turned his gaze at Sirius. "What on earth are you doing here?"

His hair was more tousled than Remus had ever seen it before. More or less tied at the back of his head. His shirt was strewn with stains, almost resembling a menu, as it probably contained all the food seated on the table.

"I wanted to make you breakfast," Sirius smiled, although slightly embarrassed. "Without magic. As you like it best. As a make-up. But well." He pointed at the chaos around him. "I'd better think of something else."

Remus stared at him with disbelieving eyes, speechless and confused. Perhaps Sirius was still in shock. Then Remus looked back at the kitchen table.

It was like a fire suddenly bursting in his chest. Devouring and unstoppable, taking possession of him with every breath he took. Carefully he set Harry down again, who had felt the tension and already begun to whine.

"Please don't tell me you were out with Harry, visiting the fucking grocery store?"

All colour disappeared from Sirius' face as knowledge slowly reached him. "I just wanted to -, we were only outside for a minute."

"Are you fucking mad?" Remus screamed, not even realising that Harry went right in. "Don't you know what could have happened?"

"But nothing did happen," Sirius replied, crossing his arms in front of his chest. "Besides, I only did it for _you_ as a sign that I'm sorry."

Frustrated Remus sat down at the table and buried his face in his hands. "You're such a child."

He could literally feel Sirius fighting with his restraint. "Come on, Remus, first we'll have breakfast and then we'll talk about everything."

Remus looked up. "Don’t you get it?" he hissed, "I fucking hate you! And I'm certainly not going to sit here with you, having breakfast. I-hate-you. I hate all of you!" He hit the table with his flat hand, causing another glass to shatter on the floor.

"I hate James and Lily for even considering I would betray them. And I hate Peter for being such a coward." He got up and walked around the table, so now they were facing each other directly. "But most of all, I hate you, Sirius! Because you knew me. You should know that I would rather have died than betray my friends. My family. My God Sirius, there was a time, we loved each other!"

His eyes were burning, but Remus would rather cut his hand off than shed a tear in front of him. "So just get out of my sight and piss of." He turned to go, but Sirius grabbed him by the arm.

"Please Remus, I'm sorry." There was so much despair in his look that Remus almost gave in. "Please, I can't be alone now." But it was just too much.

"We’re all alone," Remus said and pulled himself loose. He didn't feel a touch of pity when he closed the door behind him. He knew that Sirius had nowhere to go, but for him, leaving was the only option.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, Remus can also be a little drama queen, and running away in difficult situations is kind of his thing, remember?  
> Another chapter still in hell, then it gets happier :)


	3. Hell (Part Two)

_Midday, second of November 1981_

With stiches in his side he slammed the door shut. Closing his eyes and tacking a second to regain his breath. But he couldn't lose any time.

"Sirius? Where are you? Sirius?" He walked into the kitchen, but the room was empty.

"Sirius? They attacked the Longbottoms! We must move. Now! Sirius?" He got no response.

Still out of breath Remus stood in the hallway and listened. Then he heard a quiet whimper, coming from the locked bedroom, which Remus ripped open with a dart.

As it seemed, their doors were well insulated. The volume of Harrys screaming made Remus take a step back.

The room in front of him was pitch dark, Harry sitting on the bed with a red face and tears on his cheeks.

"Hey Harry, what are you doing here all alone?" The screams began to fade, but Sirius was nowhere around.

"Come on buddy, we'll clean you up first and then we'll see."

He took the little man into the bathroom while he feverishly thought about what to do next. Completely lost in thought, Remus wasn't even disgusted about changing Harry's diapers anymore.

He couldn't leave Harry alone, but he couldn't take care of him that night either.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck!" Harry looked at him with big eyes. "Oh crap, I mean sorry." Remus took him back on his arm and bobbed him up and down as he walked into the living room. "No need to worry Harry, Uncle Moony is just facing a little crisis."

He was about to drop into the settle when he heard a loud snoring coming from the couch. Shocked, he straightened up and looked around the room. No one was there. But then on the floor, between couch and table, he saw a pair of outstretched feet, right next to an empty bottle of whiskey. And then there was another snoring.

"Oh shit, not again."

Remus stood up and pushed the coffee table to the side, being able to examine the full misery.

Sirius lay face down on the floor in front of him another bottle to his right, not even reacting when Remus shook him and finally boxed his ears. It was hopeless.

"Your uncle Padfoot has to sleep it off," Remus said to Harry as he provisionally packed his bag. "You'll have to stay somewhere else tonight."

He sealed the flat with all the protective spells that came to his mind, hoping that Voldemort's followers would at least let another day pass. And with a heavy heart, he closed the door behind him.

…

The night had already fallen when Sirius finally woke up.

His mouth was dry, a bitter taste on his lips and tongue. As he tried to sit up, his foot bumped against something that rolled away, clinking.

Next to him stood the opened bottle of whiskey. He grabbed it and took a strong sip. The warmth numbing his aching limbs and after several attempts, he came to a stand on shaky legs.

"Remus? Harry?" he shouted, but no one answered. The flat being completely quiet. Too quiet.

Supporting himself on every piece of furniture that came in his way, he crossed the room until he reached the hallway and looked around. "Remus? Harry!"

Anger flared up in him. How dared Remus? Harry was his fucking godson, and no one had any right take him away.

Somewhat dizzy, he reached for his leather jacket, still clutching the bottle of whiskey tightly, and stormed outside.

Stumbling, without a plan, he took the evasive people around him only as shadows. Where would Remus take him? He stared into the sky and when the clouds disappeared, he recognized the moon.  Bright and full.

"Ha!" Sirius bawled, reaching for the wand in his pocket, "now I’ve got you werewolf." And with a loud pop, he apparated.

From the outside the shack looked just the same as always. Dark and dirty, the windows all still boarded-up. But Sirius didn't waste a second reminiscing about old times. He fell against the rotten front door and headed directly for the stairs.

"Remus! I found you! Give him back."

At the top, he ripped open the first door to his next and stood in a room, way too familiar, but without a sight of either Remus or Harry.

"Enough of this Lupin," Sirius slurred, "enough of the hide-and-seek games."

But suddenly there was a deep low growl, somewhere near behind him.

Alarmed, Sirius drove around, staring into the amber eyes of a full-grown werewolf.

He tripped backwards, colliding with a broken chair, standing in the middle of the room. The werewolf hauled off and Sirius lost his balance. The sharp claws went through his skin like butter.

He cried out in pain, now crawling back on all fours until he sat with his back against the wall. Meanwhile the wolf watched him greedily and prepared himself for another attack.

With one last desperate attempt to save himself, Sirius pulled his wand, pointed at the ceiling.

"Reducto!" he yelled, and the plastering crashed down. The first piece hit the werewolf on the head and Sirius sighed relieved. But then it did another blow, turning his vision entirely black.

…

He woke up with the world around him still spinning, a hammer pounding against his temple. With a groan he turned to his side, causing the mattress under him to squeak. He was lying in a bed that wasn’t his own.

Slowly the shadows around him became clearer and he recognized his surroundings. In the middle of the room lay a huge heap of rubble and beams, the ceiling containing a corresponding hole.

Carefully Sirius moved his head as the memory of last night slowly returned.

"Remus," he whispered and held his hand to his mouth.

"I'm fine."

The voice came from the other corner of the room. There on the floor, leaning against the wall, he sat, looking like someone had beaten him up.

His shirt was torn, shimmering red in the open areas, probably from wounds underneath. The left eye was swollen, another bleeding spot directly above.

Sirius tried to sit up, but as he leaned on his arm a sharp pain went through him. He stared at it, inspecting the four wide flaming scratches. They looked like claws dug into his skin.

"There will be scars," Remus said dryly. "But it's not a bite. I healed it as best I could."

"Where's Harry?" His voice sounded like he hadn't used it for years.

"I brought him to my parents last night before I came here."

When Remus turned his head to look at him, it seemed that there was only contempt in his eyes, which was finally what tipped Sirius over the edge.

He had never cried this much in his life. Not when his mother punished him with the Cruciatus Curse, not when he ran away. Not when he and Remus had broken up, not when Regulus had died, and not when he had found James' dead body.

Blacks don't cry. But everyone reaches his limits.

Remus stared at him the whole time, still sitting on the floor, without moving a bit, until Sirius had eventually calmed down.

"I could have killed you," he finally said, and now Sirius heard a lump in his throat too. "Imagine if I had killed you, you idiot!"

"I'm so sorry," Sirius tried, but Remus interrupted him.

"I don't give a shit about your apologies. You hear me? Something like last night must never happen again. Promise me!"

Sirius nodded and then none of them said anything for a while.

In front of the window the sun slowly rose as Sirius dragged himself out of bed and sat on the floor next to Remus.

"Take off your shirt," he said quietly, reaping only a disparaging glance. "I mean it. Let me heal your wounds. You took care of mine, I take care of yours."

Remus reluctantly obeyed, but visibly relaxed when the pain finally subsided.

"Do you know what day it is today?" he gasped as Sirius carefully cut through the fabric of his T-shirt, examining the injuries underneath.

He paused briefly, then snorted. It was really the last thing that mattered now.

"Happy birthday, Sirius."

For a brief moment they looked at each other. Full of grief. Full of pity. Then Sirius nodded and went on.

"What now?" Remus asked when Sirius was finished and sat next to him with a heavy sigh.

"I’ll kill the rat."

"All right, how do we find him?"

Sirius raised his browns.

"What? You think I'll let you do this alone? Forget it. He's destroyed my life too. He's the reason that you and me-" Remus broke off and shook his head, "it doesn't matter anymore. But I want to see his face when he realizes that he made a huge mistake."

"He will pay for it," Sirius hissed, "I can promise that, too.” He was tempted to reach for Remus' hand, but then decided against it, getting up instead. "He probably disappeared somewhere into the sewer, the little coward. We just have to -"

"What about Harry?"

The thirst for action immediately faded. Well, what about Harry? Of course, they couldn't take him with them.

Suddenly there was no chance for them to get their revenge. Sirius had to take care of Harry. Remus' gaze confirming just that.

Slouchy, Sirius sat down on the bed and rubbed his neck.

"We have to find a new home," he said after a while and Remus nodded.

"My father offered us my grandparents' house. It's not very chic, actually he wanted to sell it, but it should be enough for now."

"Wait a minute, he offered _us_ the house?"

This causing Remus to blush slightly. "I'll stay if you still want me to." Then his look turned angry. "But you can't start drinking again. Now it's not just the two of us anymore."

"Fine. But you have to stop running away all the damn time," Sirius snapped. "Either you stay, or you go. Never knowing where you are and what you’re doing. I can't stand it. _Again_." He took a short break and looked at Remus, uncertainly. "So, are you staying?"

And Remus cracked a smile. "Yes. I’ll stay."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always thought Remus' worst nightmare must be killing someone as a werewolf, especially if that someone is Sirius. That'd be his real hell.  
> For Sirius, one of the greatest fears is probably being rejected. Particularly because his mother has done this so many times at his childhood.
> 
> I think, however, that the end of this chapter creates a small glimmer of hope for both of them :)


	4. Earth (Part One)

_Morning, 18th of October 1982_

When Sirius was asked where he might see himself in his mid-twenties, back at the career advice in his fifth year at Hogwarts, his answer had been quite simple. Dead maybe. Or in prison.

But this. _This_ he couldn't have imagined in his wildest dreams.

If someone had told him that he'd been living in a Muggle village just before his 23rd birthday, together with his ex-lover now roommate, and the two-year-old child of his dead best friend, well. Most likely he would have roared with laughter.

Unfortunately, this was not a bad joke.

Exactly on his 22nd birthday, 11 months and 15 days ago, they'd moved into the house of Remus grandparents. On the edge of a small village in the north of Wales. And at the beginning Sirius hadn't been bothered to stay in the house with Harry. Back then, he’d been overstrained enough with his new role as a parent.

But gradually everyday life returned, and Sirius' only contacts remained the 12-year-old newspaper boy and the blind old lady from next door, who thought he was a woman because she’d once accidentally touched his long hair.

"It is so exemplary of your wife to stay at home with the child," she'd said to Remus after. Since then she and Sirius rarely had contact.

And then there were Remus and Harry.

Remus, who was still more away than home. Who went from one shabby job to the next as Uncle Alphard's money slowly ran out. Remus who still looked at him as if they’d share more than the responsibility for a child and a roof over their heads. But only for a few seconds. Then he’d draw the curtains close again and say he had to go somewhere else. Wherever that was.

Which left Sirius to Harry.

Harry, who still barely slept through a night, and who didn't like the food Sirius cooked. And who drove Sirius mad every fucking day!

Sometimes, when it was especially bad, he damned James Potter for ever meeting Lily Evans.

If he hadn't been so obsessed with her, Sirius wouldn't be in this crappy situation. Then they’d roam the countries, seeking for adventures, like they’d imagined back when they were children. Then Sirius would be free.

But then this little man wouldn't live either. Bringing also so much joy into Sirius life, no matter how exhausting it might be sometimes.

The little man, now sitting in front of him with his shining green eyes, again resisting the bowl of porridge, Sirius had prepared. Harry, the best thing James Potter had ever achieved.

"Come on, just one spoon," Sirius begged, when suddenly the doorbell rang.

Normally it never rang.

Carefully Sirius lay the spoon back down, holding his index finger to his lips. Harry saw the gravity of the situation on Sirius face, but remained quiet, although his lower lip was already trembling.

As quiet as a mouse, Sirius walked towards the front door and looked through the peephole. 

Outside stood a young woman, probably his age, with long blond hair in a pretty summer dress, looking around quite uncertainly. Her arms were at her back, holding something, Sirius couldn’t identify. She didn't look really dangerous, but you could never be hundred percent sure these days.

His wand pressed to his own back, he finally opened the door a crack. "Hello?"

She smiled. "Hello. Does Remus Lupin live here?"

"Who wants to know?" Sirius grumbled; the door still almost closed.

"I just wanted -, doesn’t he live here?" She seemed visibly nervous when she finally pulled the thing out behind her back. "He forgot his coat last week."

Sirius recognized it immediately. It was _his_  coat. The best one he had. The one Remus had borrowed from him last week. To get dressed up, meeting with this-

With a jerk he opened the door and tore the garment from her hands.

"Thank you very much, unfortunately he's not home!" Then he slammed the door back in her face.

Leaning against the wood, he heard her murmur a little and then disappear. He sighed, still clutching the black fabric in his fist.

Well, they weren't exclusive. They were no longer a couple. Remus had made _that_ clear. And yet it felt as if someone had ripped his stomach out and put it back, twisted in a knot.

He went back to the kitchen, Harry still sitting in front of his breakfsat, staring at him with big eyes.

"Just eat your damn porridge," Sirius snorted. There were no objections.

Pictures flickered before his inner eye. Pictures of full lips and long blond hair. Naked breasts pressing against hard muscles. Muscles that he himself had often enough held in his own hands. Sounds buzzed through his head. Smacking and groaning. When he suddenly heard a key at the door.

"They had no more eggs, but I took the bag of apples he offered. Seemed pretty eager to get rid of them," Remus said as he entered the kitchen and took off his jacket. "Sounds weird, but I get the feeling it's still cheaper than the grocery store." He bent down and kissed Harry on the forehead. "Hello Harry, well, don't you like your food again? Maybe we should give up on the porridge. It's just- hey, is something wrong with you?"

As it seemed, Sirius' face clearly reflected the events of the past few hours.

"We had a visitor today," he snapped, his voice dripping with despise, "a friend of yours." He threw the coat at Remus, he was still holding in his hand till then. But before Remus could reply, Sirius was back on his feet.

"You're such a fucking hypocrite! You let me rot here in this dumb, not telling me where you're got to, fucking some random-, we had a fucking deal Remus! You promised you'd stay here. But you don't, you're always gone. And yet your sluts are standing on our doorstep!"

Remus didn't answer. Just stared at him. Like he was trying to solve a difficult riddle. It unsettled Sirius more than he’d liked to admit. Remus was just too calm.

"Don't you want to say something?"

"We’ve no more money," he finally replied.

"Huh?"

He sat down at the table, putting the coat aside. "We have no more money. For a month circa. Your account is empty and mine anyway. I borrowed something from my parents, but that's almost gone too."

Sirius looked at him in horror, his anger completely forgotten. "It's all gone? Already? But you said it’d last until next summer!"

"Well, seems I was wrong. Children are damn expensive," Remus smiled bleakly, "I got offered a job though. Albus has placed me. At an institute in Belfast." His smile got bigger. "They’re specialized in researching on the behaviour of dark creatures. And also in ways to heal them." Remus leaned forward. "That’s the reason for the god damn coat. I had to look, well, I couldn’t screw this up. And apparently I didn't.” He pulled a folded parchment out of his trouser pocket. “They know about my condition and still want me."

He was beaming all over the face, when Sirius took the paper and read it himself. Suddenly, he felt just stupid. "I am such an idiot. I was so damn impudent to that girl. Crap Remus, I hope I didn't fucked this up for you."

"I hope so, too," Remus said, getting up again, to make some tea. "But I don't think so. At her job she’ll probably be used to more unpleasant situations. Werewolves and vampires aren't the friendliest creatures either."

Sirius watched him attentively, still processing what he had just heard. "But is this really what you want? Researching all day? Sitting behind a desk for some random organization?"

"What are you getting at?" Remus asked, facing him again. "The're not random. This is a golden opportunity."

"I mean, is that really what you imagined for your life?”

"No, of course not. But do you then live the life that you’ve wished for?”

Sirius shook his head.

"We don't always get what we want. Maybe I’d travel more if my life looked different. Discover the world or something. But that's not possible, so it doesn’t matter. We have Harry. And I got you." He paused, starring at Sirius with intense eyes. "We could do much worse, you know?"

 _And I got you_ , Sirius thought, _but not the way I'd like it to._

 

_._


	5. Earth (Part Two)

_At night, 18th of October 1982_

It itched. His skin itched and his whole body was tense. He turned restlessly from one side to the other. Sweating, panting, frustrated. Finally, he gave up. This night, he won’t find peace.

It was pointless. He needed a drink.

Despite all attempts. And he had tried hard. He had repressed it, the desire. He had repressed _every_ fucking desire. But the encounter this afternoon had made him realize that there were things which won’t change, no matter how much time passes.

These things could only be suppressed with poison. And Sirius' poison was whiskey.

"Just one glass," he whispered to himself and got out of bed.

Barefoot, he made his way to the kitchen and realized that the lights were still burning.

Remus sat on top of the counter, his legs bent, and his upper body leaned towards the window. He took the joint out of his mouth, blowing some smoke out into the cold night and then turned to Sirius.

"Couldn't sleep either?"

"I needed a drink," Sirius replied, leaning against the door frame, watching Remus with a critical eye.

"Well, it seems we're all going to relapse tonight," Remus smiled slightly and then took another drag.

Shaking his head, Sirius crossed the room and took a seat next to him, holding out his hand.

Without another word, Remus gave him the spliff.

"Where did you get this from?" Sirius asked as he watched the smoke disappear. "Seems familiar."

"I ran into Mundungus this morning. We started chatting and well, I’d never say no to home-grown."

Remus chuckled and Sirius had to grin a little himself. "You’re pretty high, aren’t you?"

With a satisfied snort, Remus leaned back against the window frame and closed his eyes. "Yup, and it’s pretty awesome."

Their hands were only a few centimetres apart. Like two magnets, Sirius had to concentrate on not to let them touch. But the desire. It grew with every bloody second.

"You were jealous this afternoon, weren't you?"

His head snapped to the side, Remus still sitting there like before. His eyes closed and a slight grin on his face.

"Pardon?"

"You already understood me,” now he looked at him. "You were jealous of the girl from the institute." It was no question anymore. His brown eyes intense and piercing. Gleaming almost amber, like the wild animal dormant within him. Sirius had to swallow.

"It didn't mean anything; it was just because of Harry." He put him off and jumped from the counter. "I was just afraid you'd run off with her." It was a weak attempt to cover up his anxiety. Not even capable of looking at Remus any longer, he continued. "We're out of money, remember? And I can't go to work myself. Obviously." He scratched his beard and laughed. "Can you imagine, a Black going to work? How’s that look like?"

Remus still stared at him, although his gaze had changed. But Sirius feared this one even more. It was like back in school, when he had caused some trouble, and one look from Remus was enough to expose him. It was the same look he’d gave him this afternoon. It was too intense.

"Please stop looking at me like that," Sirius grumbled and yet he didn't leave.

"And how do I look at you?"

"Well, just …" he waved at Remus' face, "with your I-fucking-know-it-all analysis look. It’s annoying."

But then Sirius felt a warm hand on his and that was it. He knew it didn't take much now before he'd crack.

"I think you have no idea how I really see you, Pads," Remus whispered and this simple gesture, his nickname rolling over Remus' lips, brought Sirius' walls to collapse.

Slowly he turned his gaze and when they looked at each other, he tried to show Remus just everything. All that he’d been missing the whole time. The longing. The desire.

They drew closer as if through water. Braked and slow. Sirius' hand stroked Remus' thigh as he positioned himself between his legs. Remus' hand grabbed Sirius by his neck while the other closed around his hip.

Shortly before their lips touched, they paused.

"I thought this was over," Sirius hushed.

"Yeah, me too," Remus replied, stroking with his thumb along Sirius' jaw.

They were so close. A deep breath and then they broke.

Crashing into each other, they stumbled out of the kitchen. Pausing in the hallway to get rid of their clothes. Tumbling against his bedroom door and into the cushions. And finally, Remus was on top of him, licking his way down his body and.

"Oh, fuuck."

He knew they were addicts. Too broken for each other to ever be healthy but still. No one had ever made him feel this whole. The way they connected, and not just in a physical way, was toxic but they matched. The places they had been. Remus always shared his secrets.

"I love you," he mumbled, feeling Remus hands moving up his thigh and making his skin prickle. "I love you so much."

"I love you too, Pads."

And then he kissed him right there, making Sirius threw his head back with a groan.  His legs were placed on Remus shoulders for him to go deeper and with every move of his tongue he came closer and closer to the edge.

He was so close. The tension of the day did him no favour. As another shiver ran down his spine, Remus picked up his speed.

"Moony stop," he choked. "Stop, I’m- Come up here."

Remus chuckled, but slowed down. Still placing a few sloppy kisses here and there, he finally let go.

His face was flushed, lips lightly swollen. His hair a mess with sweat already glistering on his forehead. Sirius thought that was one of his best looks ever.

But as Remus reached him, he paused. Taking a second to just look into Sirius' eyes and then a smirk formed on his lips.

"What?"

"Nothing," he grinned, bending down to kiss him properly. "Just happy we’re doing this again."

Sirius grinned back. "Yeah, me too."

"Christ, all the things I want to do to you right now."

His hot breath left goose bumps on Sirius' skin, making him gasp even more.

But as Sirius shoved his hand down their bodies to grab them both, it was Remus turn to let out a deep groan.

"Do them," Sirius cooed, while guiding him to the right place between his legs. "I’m ready."

Remus raised his browns, but Sirius bucked his hips confirming and finally he was sinking in. So slow. Taking his time.

"Don’t stop," Sirius rasped but Remus shook his head.

"I won’t," he answered, leaning forward to brush their lips together and then he hit the spot.

Moaning into each other’s mouths, they stayed like this for a few seconds. Now they were one, feeling whole. Feeling complete.

Heat shot through their bodies, so warm it seemed like they might melt. The world around them only a blur. Sirius was the one to move first.

And then it was messy and frantic and fucking possessive, but it was just what they were. The air around them thick, while they were drowning in pleasure. And then, just like a spring coiling tightly for far too long, they finally found their release.

And everything stopped.

With heavy breaths the world around them came back to normal.

Still shaking, Remus rolled to the side. Now they just lay next to each other, staring at the ceiling. Nobody dared to say anything.

But finally, Sirius felt something moving next to his hand. Rough fingers slowly entwining with his. The meaning of this gesture unmistakable. He squeezed Remus' hand and then turned to face him. He smiled slightly and Remus smiled back.

And then he just knew it. Whatever would happen, they'd stay together. And as it looked, eventually, things were about to get better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is it. Only two chapters left.  
> Please be prepared for some toothrutting fluff, cause next chapter they're back to heaven!


	6. Heaven (Part One)

_Morning, 5th of September 1983_

It was like walking between clouds. Everything dizzy and still you might see a few outlines, pinching your eyes. A warm and cosy feeling was floating through Sirius’ body. The sun shining on his face. There was a groan next to his ear. He smiled.

"What time is it?" Remus mumbled, nuzzling his face some more into the dimple of Sirius' collarbone.

Heat was coming from his body. Hot and compelling. Sirius pressed his thigh against his groin and snuggled his face into his hair. It smelled fantastic, like tea and autumn. Mixed with sleep and sweat. And _him_. Sirius’ smile became a smirk.

"Still have some."

Tired eyes looked up at him. His curls tousled, the stubble on his jaw as well. He grinned slightly. Wolfish. And Sirius turned him on his back, leaning over him.

They were both still too close to sleep to come at each other. It was rather a slow dancing of their tongues. Sensual and lazy. But still. This man made his heart pounding, leaving him breathless within a few seconds.

It was lithe, the way his fingertips drove along the hair that went from Remus' navel to his prick, forcing such beautiful noises out of his mouth when he touched him. Stroked him. Sweet like honey. And oh, so slow.

"You’re such a tease," Remus breathed but still to tired to dive into action.

"I’m the master of teasing."

He flicked his wrist, taking him from a different angle and Remus buried his face in the pillow, stifling his moan. Already trembling, Sirius knew he was close, but he wanted this to last longer. When suddenly Remus caught his wrist, causing him to stop.

There was a sound in the hall.

Feet clattering, coming closer. Then the bedroom door opened.

It was just for Sirius to put his hands back to himself, when a small package with black wild hair and big green eyes landed between them on the mattress. He was beaming all over his face.

"You have to get up or we'll be late," Harry said, jumping up and down, the romantic mood just vanished in an instant. 

"Well, good morning to you too," Sirius smiled and ruffled his hair.

Harry tried to defend himself, pushing his hand away and leaned on Remus. "You have to get _uuup_." He looked at him with the most pleading look in his eyes, slipped down Remus’ body like he was sinking into quicksand. " _Please_."

"It's way too early, Harry." Remus rubbed his face but smiled. "Maybe care to snooze a little more?"

Harry shook his head with all his might, pushing his lower lip forward, begging. Sirius knew only too well from whom he had learned this look. Judging by Remus' facial expression, he knew too.

A small touch of pride arose in Sirius.

Clicking his tongue, Remus pushed the blanket away, grabbing Harry by his waist and carried him towards the bathroom like some luggage. With that, Harry giggled, seeming almost satisfied.

"Padfoot, come _ooon_!" Sirius heard him yell from the other room, leaving him nothing than to get dressed as well and start the day. Though not exactly as hoped, but he was sure they'd come back to it, later.

He took his time foaming his hair, letting the hot water run over his shoulders. With his head up his neck he stood there, his eyes closed, enjoying the wet warmth. The bathroom was already full of steam.

With the back of his forearm he wiped off a stripe from the fogged shower stall and watched the other two in front of the mirror.

Harry sat on the counter with his toothbrush in his mouth goggling at Remus shaving his face. It was almost hypnotic the way Remus pulled the blade over his cheek. Like nothing could get him worked up. Just swish. Carefully yet precisely.

Sirius leaned his forehead against his arm and grinned. "I don't understand why you don't just use your wand."

"Some things are better without magic," Harry and Remus replied at the same time for Harry leaking half of his toothpaste onto his t-shirt. Well, he _was_ his father’s son after all.

Sirius shook his head, realizing they’d better change again.

Although he usually didn't care what people thought of him, he wanted him and Harry to make a good impression at least today, this being the first day of kindergarten, also the first day long-since Sirius and Remus had for their own.

It was therefore of the utmost importance for Harry to be allowed to stay in the kindergarten. At least for today, better also for longer.

Unfortunately, the name Black had already attracted negative attention at the first getting-to-know-you-meeting and Harry Potter wasn't unknown either.

They had decided for a magical facility, because Harry already showed so much potential with his only three years. It was just right to promote this. Even if that meant not living anonymously anymore.

"Are you excited?" Sirius asked half an hour later, walking down the hill, where their Portkey had arrived.

He still felt a little weak in his stomach, hopefully, from tomorrow they’d be allowed to use the Floo network. But not even this could worsen his mood. He was just so damn -,  

Suddenly pulled back, Harry's hand still firmly in his, the boy had stopped.

Sirius watched him, now standing in front of him, his head bowed, a worried expression on his face. "What's wrong Prongslet?"

With no answer, Harry started stroking his foot across the grass. Sirius kneeled down.

"Hey mate," he lifted Harry's chin, "what's going on?"

With a lump in his throat, he finally looked up. "What if they stare at me?"

"Why would they?"

Like it was a stupid question and totally obvious, Harry pointed to his forehead.

Sirius smiled. "Maybe they do, but only because the scar looks so damn cool."

But Harry seemed not convinced.

"Just think of Moony," he said and popped him in the side, "do you know anybody cooler? And he's got a lot of scars."

The boy smiled slightly, but still didn't move. "What if no one likes me? What if they think I’m strange?"

"Now listen to me very carefully," making a dramatic pause, Sirius raised his brows. "you're not only a Potter, you’re also a Lupin. And everybody loves the Lupins, okay? Because a Lupin is funny, charming and simply irresistible, just like you." He tickled Harry's stomach, who immediately started to giggle. Sirius stood up. "And besides, you're a Black too. And Blacks don't give a shit about what others think. We kick asses and while we're at it, we look fucking amazing." He winked. "All right?" 

Harry grinned and nodded.  

"Well, come on, then. We'll show them who they're dealing with."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just one chapter left and it gets even fluffier ;)


	7. Heaven (Part Two)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took me a while to finish the chapter, because I had a lot to do with university stuff. But here it is and I hope you like it :)

_Midday, 5th of September 1983_

Remus had never been the music and party guy, always been more of a book-person. So, when Lily brought her gramophone to Hogwarts for the first time in their sixth year, Remus was the last one to be responsible for their musical entertainment.

When James could decide, Beatles or Stones were on, him always dancing, no matter how stupid he looked or who’d watch him.

Same with Sirius. He preferred Queen though, his dance style rather different then James’. Moving with his whole body, bouncing, shaking his long black hair to the beat. Remus had loved to see him like that. Still did.

But if he could decide, then Remus chose Soul.

It was the kind of music that touched him at the core. Where he closed his eyes, pinched tightly, literally feeling the power that was behind these sounds.

So now, while Lily's gramophone was running in the background, Remus slipped through the kitchen, turned the eggs here, cut some vegetables there, swinging to Aretha’s sweet voice.

He had never been a very good dancer, but he had his moves. Twisting a little. Clapping a lot. Shaking his salt like dices and throwing it into the pan with a little more force then necessary. More the type who worked a lot with shoulders and upper body, he also sang along with the instruments.

While whistling, he stood in front of the oven, when suddenly two strong arms hugged him from behind, a warm mouth close to his ear.

_“Ooh, your kisses, sweeter than honey. And guess what? So is my money.”_

Remus laughed. “That’s what you think.” He turned around. “The kisses, though …”

Sirius leaned forward. "Let me give you a little taste, then."

But, oh, honey was nothing compared to this.

"Where'd you find this old stuff?" Sirius asked, sucking on his lower lip.

Remus moaned. "I went through Lily's things to find the pancake recipe. I gave her the record for her 20th birthday." He pressed his groin against Sirius. "If you want to continue this though, I have to turn off the oven."

Sirius took a step back, starting to open the first button of his pants. He grinned. "Better turn it off." He moved back little further, until he was right against the wall. His eyes remaining on Remus, flashing with mischief.

With a flick of his wand all things around them came to a halt. The music stopped, the eggs in the pan stopped sizzling, the kettle went silent.

Two big steps and he was with Sirius, both hands placed beside his head, tackling his mouth. Rucking up his shirt, tearing his jeans down.

Remus pressed his leg between Sirius’ thighs, a noise escaped his mouth so pleasing, he was about to eat him alive.

As if Sirius had read his thoughts, he grabbed him by the hip and changed positions. Their breathing faster already, Sirius' eyes almost black, his gaze intense.

With a short twitch of his brows and a meaningful smirk he got on his knees.

Lips already pink and swollen, he took his time, watching him. _Fucking tease_. With his right hand he pulled his skin back, exposing him some more and then his mouth was on Remus. Heat shot through his body as Sirius swirled his tongue. He threw his head back and groaned.

“Fuck, Sirius. I won’t last long like this.”

Looking back down, their eyes meet, and Remus’ breath hitched.

Sometimes he couldn't believe how Sirius still look at him like that. So full of love and affection. So full of desire. After everything they had been through.

He didn't stop moving. Speed up. His cheeks hollowed out. Remus hit the back of his throat and Sirius swallowed around him.

It was like the cry of a wild animal, coming from deep within his chest, so powerful that it almost hurt. Pulsing through his veins, his vision went blank. And he came.

After his breath calmed down, eyes still closed and knees a little weak, he felt a pair of hot lips on his. Tasting himself. Remus hummed against them. "Well, kind of beat the clock, didn’t you?" he smiled.

"We got the whole damn day," Sirius nuzzled against his neck, "let's eat something and then we'll do it again."

And so, they did. And then again.

Until only one hour was left, before they had to pick up Harry from kindergarten.

Satisfied and exhausted, they lay in bed, legs tangled, half of their bodies covered with sheets, Sirius head on Remus chest. Laying on fucking cloud nine with no need to return back to earth.

Absent, Remus twirled a strand of black hair between his fingers as Sirius looked up.

"I got something to tell you."

Remus snorted. "If it’s something I'd get angry about, just tell me later."

Sirius shook his head. "It's not. Only -," he sat up, "with Harry now in kindergarten, and you in the institute. I know you love your work, you've already achieved so much," he drove his hand through his hair, "is it next week where you get the grant for the Wolfsbane Potion?"

Remus took him by the hand. "Pads, what's going on?"

"I think I want to find some work for myself."

His look was fearful like that of a child, like when he first told Remus that he loved him. As if expecting rejection with every second. Remus smiled. "Sirius, that's great."

"Really?" His eyes grew wide within a heartbeat, mouth spreading over his face. The whole posture upright, more enthusiastic. "Do you think I can do that?"

Sometimes he really was still the fifteen-year-old boy. Remus pulled him closer and kissed him. "Of course, you can." He leaned back. "So what do you have in mind?"

He bit his lips. "I want to do something with motors, I think. The muggle way." The glow in his eyes seemed to get stronger with every moment. "You know how much I love to tinker with my bike. Imagine, a lot more of them. In all different shapes. Some big, with three cylinders or small with only one …"

Once Sirius had started, it was hard for him to stop. So, it was just with everything. He was passionate and curious where Remus was thoughtful and careful. And that's exactly what he loved about him.

Through Sirius, Remus was forced to come out of his shell. He could arouse the best, but also the worst in him. But whatever it was, he stayed. At his side.

Not every day was like this, full of love and no worries. Life was not like that. But they were working on it, together.

They were happy, they had each other.

So, all was well.

…

Of course, only until Harry went to Hogwarts and Voldemort returned, but that's a whole different story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song: [Aretha Franklin - Respect](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6FOUqQt3Kg0)

**Author's Note:**

> The whole division into heaven and hell is inspired by the movie Candy with Abbie Cornish and Heath Ledger, which I can hardly recommend! It’s just beautiful. 
> 
> As always many thanks for reading! 
> 
> Kudos & comments are love, so please spread them. <3
> 
> And if you like, do hit me up on [tumblr](https://evax3.tumblr.com/) as evax3 :)


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